Here’s the Full Story.
Earlier I mentioned a romantic relationship that really rocked my world.
It prompted me to start asking a lot of questions, and led to some lasting changes in the way I communicate with others… and with myself.
And all the questions started with this one:
Why is it, that I can talk to pretty much anyone about anything… except for the person I’m supposed to be the closest to?
The really embarrassing part of it all… it took me a long time to actually do anything about it.
Because for the longest time I didn’t see myself as part of the problem. I saw myself as a great communicator.
How could I be doing anything wrong?
And ‘communication’ being the problem?
That wasn’t even on my radar.
Jeff articulated this quite well while reflecting on his MasterCom experience…
“Why is it, that I can talk to pretty much anyone about anything… except for the person I’m supposed to be the closest to?”
The really embarrassing part of it all… it took me a long time to actually do anything about it.Because for the longest time I didn’t see myself as part of the problem. I saw myself as a great communicator.
How could I be doing anything wrong? And ‘communication’ being the problem? That wasn’t even on my radar. Jeff articulated this quite well while reflecting on his MasterCom experience…
"The way we all approach communication is a bit like plumbing in a house. We only think about it when there's a leak. And once it's fixed, we forget about it.
But maybe the plumbing of the whole house needs to be improved. MasterCom was a month of continuous work. But it allowed me to fix the plumbing in my house, not just a leak."
—Jeff, Engineer, Designer, Entrepreneur, Musician
With my situation, I knew the house had a leak, but I didn’t think it was mine to fix.
I assumed that was someone else’s job. Once the other person (aka my significant other) changed, things would be a lot better.
And then, one day, my significant other and I… were no longer together.
A few weeks later I hit an emotional rock bottom.
She and I had been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I had moved back to America for this relationship 18 months ago after almost a decade living and working abroad. Three and a half years… and we couldn’t figure this out together.
And as I thought back over the course of our relationship, I left my pity party and started to wonder…
If nothing about our situation was to change, except for me, what would I say? What would I do? What would that be like?
I had no idea that what was about to unfold over the next month would make such a significant change to my life.
Another MasterCom participant, Jen, when reflecting on her experience with the program shared a lot that resonated with my experience too (well, except for the being a new Mom part)…
With my situation, I knew the house had a leak, but I didn’t think it was mine to fix.
I assumed that was someone else’s job. Once the other person (aka my significant other) changed, things would be a lot better.
And then, one day, my significant other and I… were no longer together.
A few weeks later I hit an emotional rock bottom.
She and I had been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I had moved back to America for this relationship 18 months ago after almost a decade living and working abroad. Three and a half years… and we couldn’t figure this out together.
And as I thought back over the course of our relationship, I left my pity party and started to wonder…
If nothing about our situation was to change, except for me, what would I say? What would I do? What would that be like?
I had no idea that what was about to unfold over the next month would make such a significant change to my life.
Another MasterCom participant, Jen, when reflecting on her experience with the program shared a lot that resonated with my experience too (well, except for the being a new Mom part)…
"MasterCom gave me more clarity into the problems I was facing as a new mom, in a career transition, moving countries, and in a relationship that stifled me.
"Initially, I wanted to improve my communication with my partner but I came away with much more.
"MasterCom provided me with an opportunity to build my confidence. The process allowed me to go deeper into areas that I was avoiding and to reconnect with a part of myself by exploring thoughts and feelings that were not criticized, negated or judged in any way.
"I was able to see the importance of asking the right questions and how they can dramatically impact the depth of a conversation. I learned how questions can be cultivated into different parts of our lives to enhance our relationships, deepen our learning, and guide us to be more honest with ourselves and others."
—Jen, Honest, Playful Mom
I had very few friends living close to me at that time and I spent hours upon hours upon hours:
wandering through videos and articles…
attending events and workshops and group activities…
writing down my thoughts and feelings…
And, for me, it was an intensive month of writing (letters, actually) which brought me to a new level of self-awareness, a new sense of understanding of my former significant other, and of myself.
But it was also so much more than I expected.
I came to understand the challenges I faced in past romantic relationships and in my business partnership. I considered new ways of approaching overall relationships, as well as very specific situations within those relationships.
I developed a greater understanding and appreciation for the things that were important to me.
I was cultivating a practice of being more open and honest with myself.
And then one day I realized…
that my biggest challenge was being afraid to let down the people that I was the closest to.
This wasn’t only true of my significant other. It was also true of my parents and my sister, my business partner, my colleagues (especially people that worked for me)… even close friends.
I was learning one of the lessons that Xueying took away from her MasterCom experience…
I had very few friends living close to me at that time and I spent hours upon hours upon hours:
wandering through videos and articles…
attending events and workshops and group activities…
writing down my thoughts and feelings…
And, for me, it was an intensive month of writing (letters, actually) which brought me to a new level of self-awareness, a new sense of understanding of my former significant other, and of myself.
But it was also so much more than I expected.
I came to understand the challenges I faced in past romantic relationships and in my business partnership. I considered new ways of approaching overall relationships, as well as very specific situations within those relationships.
I developed a greater understanding and appreciation for the things that were important to me.
I was cultivating a practice of being more open and honest with myself.
And then one day I realized…
that my biggest challenge was being afraid to let down the people that I was the closest to.
This wasn’t only true of my significant other. It was also true of my parents and my sister, my business partner, my colleagues (especially people that worked for me)… even close friends.
I was learning one of the lessons that Xueying took away from her MasterCom experience…
"I’ve known for a while that the relationships I have with others will only ever be as good as the one that I have with myself. It’s what months of therapy have taught me.
"MasterCom showed me that by being myself, being more vulnerable, recognizing moments for powerful questions and actually asking them, I could change my relationships for the better."
—Xueying, Journalist
After this month of intensive letter writing, I realized a couple of things that I needed to share with two of those most important people in my life that I was afraid to let down… my parents.
And while I won’t tell you that whole story today, I will say that sharing those two takeaways with them, and the conversations they led to that Thanksgiving Day… changed my life forever.
Because unless we take the time…
not just to watch the videos…
not just to read the articles…
not just to go to the events, the workshops…
not just to write in our journals, or to our friends…
But to do the hard work…
We’ll only ever stay here.
We won’t have the opportunity to actually overcome our communication challenges.
Because it’s not a one-time thing.
It takes practice.
It takes every day action.
If we want to see real results.
If we want to catalyze lasting change.
We have to do the work.
But the work can be hard to do alone.
It can be hard to not know where to start.
And that’s why I designed MasterCom…
The program I wish I had all those years ago when I was going at it alone.
You don’t have to do this alone.
“Going into MasterCom, I felt my biggest communication challenge was to myself. Throughout the program, I was surprised that learning about communicating with others helped me to communicate better with myself. By being kinder to others I learned to accept my situation. Oh, and I loved the Bounce practices.
"MasterCom was like having a personal coach that pushes you to exercise your communication fitness for 28 days.”
—Tika, Leadership Development
So as we come to the end of this page, here's the bottom line...
I’d like to help you hear things you may not have heard before, see things you haven’t seen on your own, and say things you haven’t been able to say (or ask) before.
I hope you’ll take advantage of one of the options below today.
Here’s how I can help…
Option 1: Bounce
Can I help you think better about a relationship, a situation, or decision that matters to you?
You'll be surprised how far we can get in 20 minutes!
Option 2: Tune-Up
Can I help you identify the one thing to improve your most important relationship(s)?
3 exercises + a free 1-on-1 conversation with me
Option 3: MasterCom
Can I help you make a massive difference in your relationships in one month?
Want to build your question-asking muscles?
Join my daily workout!
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